I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
