hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
