definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
