Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
