Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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