woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
