I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
