i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
