I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
