Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
