I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
