so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Barsexuality is the new black.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
