How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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