PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
