apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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