so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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