well I can't set my house on fire every night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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