He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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