Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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