Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
