Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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