Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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