Sry I called you an 8
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
