12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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