whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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