I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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