That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
