1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
