Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
