My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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