The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
