He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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