If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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