Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
