worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
