When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
