So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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