he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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