I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
