There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
