We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
