you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
