listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
