oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
