Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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