Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
