he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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