Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
