Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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