i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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